PINKYAMBERMAYER

title:
date: Saturday, December 12, 2009
time:1:03 PM

finally i moved back from PR to BB

is amazing that i actually moved back from his place

which i guess i wouldn't be so determined to do it

this time round.

anw, staying over there wasn't so easy for me can!!

u have alot of consequence to tabe precaution on..

but

i have make up my mind already.

i am not going to stay with him TILL WE BOUGHT A HOUSE.

simplify, it that, i will only go over to his place one a week

when he book out.

i have to stay on my saving plan and quickly attached

my softcopy to goverment.

anixous for a flat soon.

i am all alone at home now using internet and doing some

research.

yest baby went for his enlistment at pulua tekong

45 min journey back and go.

is definitely a tiring for me and him.

he didnt sleep for the night and i guess he is on

pressured.

he told me this before he go army

"baby from now on you have to take good care of yourself"

my tears drop.

i always have to go through this shit.

always.

...

awaiting for his called tonight at 930

...

devilland tonight with sister

...

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title: overdue japan trip pictures
date: Saturday, November 28, 2009
time:10:58 PM

despite having a hard time working for it, i guess that i have some memorable
pictures in this year to share with. i miss JAPAN..
let enjoy the show.

he is my beloved, that i never leave him.

she is the designer of HEADPORTER!

see how he sleep!!

sound like a pig can.

i want to buy a house at east area soon.

which mean alot of money involved in this project.

i am buying alone and hope the government will grant

me the funds which every first time buyer application for.

subsequently,i have to work triple hard for it.

i believe in two year time i would be applicant for.

i really wanted a house by my own.

i want to be independent.

can u imagine when you have a house decorated by yourself

handle it by your own??

cool rite??

is not that easy, i know.

but..

tis will be my aim to work hard for it.

getting a stable job.

finished my diploma.

have my license

get a house.

lastly set up my own business

my aim my dream.

work hard.

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title: blue day
date: Thursday, November 26, 2009
time:10:31 PM

congrat limei for fer passing her license!!
anw baby went bali with doeven and left me alone in singapore again
lonely always came across my mind again.. hais.. i seriously hate this feeling
and i wonder how am i going to survive when he went into army..
my feeling come back again.. the way they treat me is always so different
hais..i wouldnt want anything much back from them. just peaceful.
in fact is hard to live with them!! i feel the sensation between us and
u guess what, is always having a hard time when he is not around with me
and i am always there alone suffering myself.. who will care about my feeling
sometime i felt difficulties, and because of his family i have to bear with it.
it not they treat me not good is the way the put it. yes maybe i done not
enough for them and they always think that i done not enough for it.
asking so much for it.sign.. y man y man.. y man ..

i hope things will get better next time when i see them again..
because baby is entering into his army life and i have to go home and stay
yeah.. starting to looking for a full time office job and fulfill my dream
wasting too much time in ite already.. interview on tmr:) yeah.

he is coming back tmr.. i am so exigged.
...
baby i miss u badly.

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title: long posted
date: Friday, November 13, 2009
time:1:47 PM

Today is Friday 13th.. and realised that i didnt post for quite sometime already..
i didnt attend school for almost a month and i wonder how am i going to catch
up with the current pace. strange feeling that i gonna waste a lot of time in
my studies for the next one or two year. seriously i am sick and tired of getting'
back to the same old thing again.. needless, i felt that is really pointless for me
to continue as i am freaking out.. seeing all my friends getting into the right path
and i am still struck in between i feel lost and regretted.most of the time i
wish time would stop for me but each day just passes like wind. now i am struck
in between in the reality. i hope i didnt make any wrong choice. i hope.

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title: contradistinctive
date: Monday, October 19, 2009
time:12:20 AM

it is such a contradistinctive question to me. i am so confused of what
i have done in my life. he came into my life and some how distracted me
a little in my relationship. yes. we knew each other for many year and
finally we met up. and he is doing so well now. and my mind come along
this question. should i or should i not. typical answer. no reason why should
i not try man.fug. drain.

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title: JAPAN TRIP
date: Monday, October 12, 2009
time:9:56 PM

Hey people i am back to singapore already.. whooo... my trip to
japan was awesome!! weather was 14 to 15 degree, imagine with this
cold weather there is still sun alright.. sun will rise at 5am and set at 5am
so i am quite not use to it when i come back to Singapore.
food was awesome too. but the bad thingy was there are only ramen ramen
and ramen, there are rice too but you hardly find them in the street.
mainly one meal will cost around 1500 yen which is around 23 dollar ($)
this is the minimum i will spend there for eating.fucking expensive.
afterall the trip is worth.

let me tell you more in the beginning.

FIRST DAY
arrival - Narita airport at 245pm. bored the flight at 555am, 7 hour flight
we took a cab down to changi airport and check in. feeling super excited
morning flight doesnt have much people so we manage to get check in
just within 5 min. check in oir luggage and have a smoke and head into the
plane. seat was 13C and G, facing the window. and here it goes.

you see we are in Japan and they speak Japanese. i dunno single language
of Japanese but simple word and sentence i still can understand. baby went
to there information counter to ask how to go to our hotel "Sakura Hotel"
we have our source and head down to take the train. first impression
was like Singapore facilities still the best. safety still come first. japan
was totally different. they have proper seating place but their safety
doesnt seem appearing. we take budget skyline. LIMITED EXPRESS
which cost 1000 yen convert to Singapore dollar is 15 dollars. from airport
to the hotel need 15 dollars alright. shit. we change from Nippori station to
lkebukuro station .. lols.. we seriously make our way there.
free packer. hahaha.. smart sio. had a good bathe and head to lkebukuro
street. settle down at a mart called "song wu".ok. they food is nice.
and Lotte around and back to hotel and KO.

SECOND DAY
we went harajuku and search up and down for his porter bag and blue label
alright. people there is super nice. they guide us and we make fren there.
we even took photo with the designer that i bought the bag.. lols..
damn dramatic. hahaha.. in the end we bought 3 bag and one wallet that day
rainy day and we had to stay in hotel. we stay up to watch the japan show
and doze off in a while.

THIRD DAY
we wake up at 12pm.. oh man.. guess we are over exhausted after the flight
weather today was awesome.sun is out and sky are blue. no umbrella needed
man.. we head to the nearest eating place and settle our lunch there..
den we went harajuku again to get the balance stuffs.. lols.. we went to
head porter again and we ask for the designer guidance.. she show us
how to go and where to go so that out trip will be fruitful.. hahaha..
thanks to SANTOKO .. so we went hunting for the place and hunt for
food.. delicious.. den head back to hotel again.

FOURTH DAY
...
update again

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title: i'm back
date:
time:1:00 PM

JAPAN WEATHER AWESOME

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title: chilled out with babe
date: Saturday, October 3, 2009
time:10:39 PM

alright today was a happy day for me, FINALLY i managed to meet up with
linyin sheri and a new fren name esther:) two year already and this is the first
time we meet up. glad to heard from them what is happening to them as well
as how they manage to progress:) everyone is like doing very well and i feel
happy for them:) linyin bought a flat at CCK with her fiance. getting married
already lo. sheri is a kindergarden teacher. and my new fren esther having
attachment. and me i wanna finished my higher nitec and progress to a private
i guess.. stop wasting tme already i told myself.. no more wasting time for me
.. so i have to plan.
after japan trip i want to get all this.

1. driving licence
2. my cert
3. save money

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title: sobbing
date: Friday, October 2, 2009
time:11:29 AM

sobbing super badly at this timing.why am i sobbing like a donkey???
shouldnt i be happy about it that his truth colour come out??? feeling
ultra upsad about it. not the first time and he did it again. he say he will
control but why this incident keep repeating non-stop?? why keep happening
to me??? why am i always be the one giving in and not you?? i start to asked
myself whether are you the right person for me after we had been so long.
wandering whether could i survive without you. cos i am so use to it that
we had been around me for the year we are together. but i had enough
of all the nonsense and i could take it anymore. it hurt to say or type it out.
you know the pain in me has been long-lasted to become a scar?? the pain
that i gone through you will never understand and feel it. i am scared and
so scared i might lose you oneday and always does what you like and dont
but ended up i had all the shitty stuff back. is this how you treated me?
and this is how i feel isnt it? did you ever asked yourself how well you treated
me and what are the things you had done for me that i could really remember
real hard in my mind? didnt i have the right to say you when i felt that you
are wrong?but am i ended up have this shitty thing?? i am just a women that
is very simple and i dun need you to be committed so much if you couldnt.
o felt like a fool around you alright. i big fool.super big fool. when coming
to family issue, coming to relationship coming to school work and working
I guess i am totally a failure. couldnt i speak up for myself sometime?
speaking up always the big issue for me. communication to me is just a
stupid thing. nonetheless,in my hEart i always hope you will cherish me
more and realised that i am actually i am really a gal that you can spend
the rest of your life with, not only that i am capabilities in both financial
and responsibilities too. i always work hard to the things that i am doing
always have optimistic mindset but you know what i always feel empty and
lonely when i cant turn to anyone. yes, i do have friends around me which
is very supportive but i always wanted to lighten their burden and not adding
on to their burden. there were never be alight. by knowing this concept i
have to work extremely hard to achieve the goal i wanted. this sentence came
along in my mind " nobody will help you when you dont work hard"
" you have to continue walking till you see the light of success" simple as that
when you have the authorities people around you will start to change their
view of you. it mean that i have to work hard for this year and not letting
anyone look down on me anymore. i dun want tis feeling anymore. it hurt
simply take a knife poke inside my heart. come back to the main topic again
remember andy and elaine? yeah. the first time andy lay his hand on elaine?
what you told me is that you will never did it to me no matter how angry
you are! and what you have just done is totally a saint. this is the third time
and you expecting me to behave as before? how you want me to faced you
when you promised me that no matter what you will control yourself?
what is the different between you and me and andy and elaine?? the same
scenario has repeated again and again. sometime i will asked myself whether
are you the mr right for me or because i am staying under this roof with you?
what is the thing that are dragging me back? i need an answers. do you ever
think of oneday if i really leave you because of this and you will regret??
hahaha.. i guess you wont!! and i guess is okay for you to find a person again
right.pinky ar, you cant depend on man anymore and have to stay strong even
you are alone. there is still many thing that you can do in this world. career,
career and career. bring up you living standard and you could met someone
that really appreciate who you are and where you come from. no education
now is okay if you willing to work hard for it and you will succeed. nobody
will take away this thing you have achieve.third time and i had enough.
4 call 1 message and you stop.and this show that how caring you are, most
important thing that i know the percentage that you feel guilty is only 50%
i no longer important to you anymore.and you know typing out make me feel
better in a way i could vent my frustration. you will never know how i feel.
i am always envy when couple sitting together chatting with their friend
or family and you loved one put his hand on your lap showing that i am always
around. when talking and joking with them you will be very supportive and
add on with me. when they ask you about things related to the topic you
will be able to chip in too?? all this little little things added up to become a
big issue. you will always asked me not to talk so much, when i wanted to
give idea you will glance at me, when i say "ah boy also know" your ans will
be " i dont know" ha...ha...ha.. funny right. this is how am i feeling right now
mama has already treated me differently and you know it, but what you have
done for me? i am human being, i am born by parent too, i have feeling too.
nasty word and shitty stuff i never once tell you cos mama dote you alot and
i dun want to give you the impression that your family is treating me differently
i understand this situation better than you. cos you are a person who always
have family care but i dun have. and this is the reason i want someone to be
there for me when i need someone to talk to. if i cant communicate with you
why you need me for?

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title: result
date: Thursday, October 1, 2009
time:2:10 PM

Higher Nitec First semester is out and i am quite satisfy with the outcome.
despite rushing the very last min revision. the result has been out this morning
at 8am. however babe called me in the afternoon and ask me about my
examination result and you know what i have no idea today school is
releasing. while after i check out, realised that the expectation was still
not the one that i am expecting. well. is alright:) i am happy. at least i can
have a happy trip coming on TUE:) not to worry about the result anymore.

sorry for the lying of not going the trip as i have mu reasons. cos my flight
is very early in the morning and i know you guy sure will have your plan.
you know i love you guys and dun wonder you guys to be waking up bloody
early alright:) you guys know what i mean.

missed the celebration with the usual for flinton birthday celebration.
saw ther recent phot in the facebook posted by babe. they have NEW cliques:)
initially i planned to go down after my interview and baby called me and
said ah gong was not feeling good and straight away i head down to changi
hospital. stay till 10 plus and head to elisa mall to catch my dinner. and i
ate a little only bcoz i dun have appetite. drinking seesion with his family
and suddenly there was a moment i felt the weirdness and awkwardness
between me and their parent. because of the incident that happen recently?
there are always things happen around me and i couldnt bring myself up to
tell anyone cos this is related to me and thei family. definitely is not so nice
saying word that doeant sound so nice to others when they dun even know
them, i feel that this is bad-mouthing. indeed i choosen to put inside my
heart and hoping one day they will understand me. i believe the will and it
is just matter of time. well cut the conversation. let move to more happy
thing. baby is moving house like around 6 month time and their parent is
searching up and down for flat and finally one flat at woodland caught their
eyes they will be viewing it tmr. hopefully everything will be fine. but i still
prefer PR:)

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title: while waiting for him
date: Tuesday, September 29, 2009
time:11:05 PM

super long picture

i happen to saw her at habourfront and

dragging her along when she supposed heading home!

so bad

first time waiting for him at his store when

usually i have to wait outside the store as i

am not their sales coodinator

but

thanks to her

i have this chance to wait for him not alone but with

i branch of friends.

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title: anticipating
date:
time:10:28 PM

Baby grandfather have to stay i hospital dunno for how many day, poor
grandma have to stay alone for the time being.. which means she have to
wake up super early as to reach the hospital just to accompany ah gong..
i hope that he will get well soon. and everything will be fine.

i shed my tears while watching HEART OF GREED. alright. i admit i am
emotional. just couldnt stand the part where hai keyi proposed to chang
zaixin. how could a person be so nice to a lady so many year??
he has fall for her can. stupid drama series.

off work at 5pm today head to ION pull and bear to collect his jeans cos
he is a lazy bump. lols. he is working and cant wait to see his pant.!!
so means that i have to go down on his behalf o collect that jeans.
alright. is just on the way. stop complaining can PINKYCHUA!!
browsing around wisma and taka a little while when i enter bodyshop again.
i too a little while to look at those product i counted and realised i have
to saved before they can become mine. this is saddening. which means i
am in debt again. i always have not enough to spend and have to borrow
to survive. this is weird. continously 2 year. ever since i start sudying i
couldnt even save a little. guess that my spending power is over my budget.
haix.. why i always have this shit on me? fuck.
BUT..
seeing the bright side of my future guess i wont have to suffer:) this is life
pinky!! you have to get through the process and run through it. always
have the tougest first before the sweetest.. i am waiting:) i know i could
make it through this time round. be optimitic. better life will come
along.

2 more day result will be release and this time round i am not excited at all
dunno why. maybe nobody will share the joy with me as before already.
being strong and wanted for perfections is always my motivation.
but when i heard negative comment about me. i feel sad.. my personality
might ruin myself when i didnt realised that people need to me low profile
at time. but this is super hypocrite can. facing your circle and doing this
i feel so unpresent. and this is me. shit. what has happen to me?
why the hell am i thinking? this is life. and person recevied undetended
comment. and from here you will than grow up and become a ADULT.
i has to learn. many space to improve.
guess i has learned.
my thought has overwhelming. soon or later i will get depression!!!

GOOD NEWS
DFS called and asked me for second interview again. this time round i
hope i can get through. wish me all the best.

off for 4 days and i have started to packed my luggage
over the four day i have many interview. hace to dig out my formal wear
gyming session will be on too
cooking session will be on too
going home tomorrow

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WINDINDS